Why every woman needs good friends to lean on

Friends do so much more for us than we might expect. The benefits of having a good support system and a community of close friends are great. It’s good for us and it’s important, and it’s not something we talk about often enough, at least in terms of how friendship is linked to health and happiness. Who doesn’t like spending a night in with friends, enjoying a meal, laughing and reflecting about life, and finding acceptance and commonality in our experiences? For woman, many of whom tend to be especially harsh and critical of themselves, it is certainly an important connection in their lives where they can feel understood and accepted, that they are enough, that they are trying their best. The benefits of friendships go beyond that. It has a positive impact on our health and having a few good friends has been shown to increase overall happiness. We actually share brain waves with our closest friends [1]. That’s how powerful these connections can be.

Life is really hard. Families, relationships, work, kids, creating a home, planning and organizing everyday life, following your dreams and finding your place in the word, and add in on that a sense of perfectionism which many women can relate with, and that can become overwhelming at times. Having good friends allows you a space to talk, to reflect, to make sense of things and help you reframe your experiences. Here are some of the greatest benefits that have been linked to having a few really, good friends:

Talking to a good friend helps you feel validated in your experience: Sharing openly with a friend can help you feel less alone and help you to recognize that the emotions you’re experiencing are valid. Research studies have shown that when women are under stress they have a tendency to ‘tend and befriend’. They tend to their kids if they have any and they want to talk to their girlfriends. A study done at the UCLA School of Medicine found that when we're with a close female friend, our bodies emit the "feel good" hormone oxytocin, helping us reduce everyday stress [2]. It’s therefore a simple strategy in reducing stress.

The process of telling a friend what you’re experiencing can help you reflect on your life and find potential solutions: Have you ever noticed that when you share an experience with someone who is really listening and who really cares, it can help you to start to see things differently or come up with ideas on how to move forward? Friends are also great at sharing what may have worked for them in a similar situation. It’s good to brainstorm with a friend and see where it leads to. Just the process of talking about it leads to a possibility that something might change in how you approach the situation afterwards.

Having good friendships can have a positive impact on your health: Loneliness has been described by some as the giant evil of our time [3]. Loneliness is one of the biggest predictors of physical and mental health [4]. Having friends is important to our health and happiness. We also know from the research that when you have good, close friends it reduces your risk for serious health issues including depression, high blood pressure, an unhealthy body max index and it reduces the risk of being a smoker. [4, 5]

Friendships increase our sense of belonging and purpose: This need for community with other women has been found in the research to be biological [6] Being part of a group is important. Sometimes groups are about socializing and having fun; other times they are groups that are driven by a similar mission or purpose. Solidarity is important.

Improves our self-confidence and resiliency: There are numerous studies that have linked good friendships among women with improved self-confidence and self-worth, and it’s no surprise when you think about the benefits I’ve already listed (if you feel validated in your experience and a sense of belonging and purpose, it helps with that). In an interview with Kate Leaver, author of “The Friendship Cure”, she explained that “Women make each other more resilient because, when female friendship is done right, it is this astounding source of confidence, reassurance, comfort, joy and candour that can truly guide you through life” [7]

Our friends literally change how we might experience the world.

[1] https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/16/science/friendship-brain-health.html

[2] https://www.thoughtco.com/value-of-female-friendships-3533746

[3] https://www.theguardian.com/society/2017/dec/10/loneliness-is-a-giant-evil-of-our-time-says-jo-cox-commission

[4] https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/may/23/the-friend-effect-why-the-secret-of-health-and-happiness-is-surprisingly-simple

[5] https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/friendships/art-20044860

[6] https://www.thoughtco.com/value-of-female-friendships-3533746)

[7] https://www.standard.co.uk/lifestyle/books/the-friendship-cure-kate-leaver-importance-of-female-friendship-a3795786.html