Redesigning your life

‘What do you want your life to be about?’ In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), a new form of cognitive-behavioral therapy that is based on the use of values and mindfulness, this is the question that is emerging. As Dr. Russ Harris (author of “The Happiness Trap” and ACT trainer) explains, “The aim of ACT is to maximise human potential for a rich, full and meaningful life; to cultivate health, vitality and well-being through mindful values-based living”. Reflecting on values makes you wonder what really matters to you and what would a meaningful, happy life look like, where you are respecting your own personal values.

As I began to identify my own core values recently in exploring ACT, I came to a realization that in my life I had some conflicting values. And I could think of many examples of situations where I wasn’t respecting my own values. I noticed that when I am living against my values or not ensuring that I respect them, I experience suffering. The truth is we all do in some way when we are not living in the way we want to live or the manner we want to be in the world.

Redesigning your life can start by identifying your core values. If you could create a list of your top ten values, what would they be? There are a lot of lists out there that explain values and can help you in this discovery process. Dr. Harris has on his website a list of the top 60 most common core values and some other great exercises and worksheets that you can use, easily accessible on his website. Here is just one example: http://thehappinesstrap.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/complete_worksheets_for_The_Confidence_Gap.pdf

Once you know what your values are, a next step is to think about which of these values are you respecting and what proof do you have of that, what are examples in your life currently of the moves you have taken towards living this value? And what are the moves that you have taken that pull you further away from this value? Essentially, how are you living in line with this value in your daily life and how are you going against it. How could that change? What small steps could you take to feel that you are respecting these values more fully in your daily life?

Sometimes, that means making small changes such as allowing more time for self-care or being kinder to those around you including in moments of stress. And sometimes they’re big changes – changing careers, ending a relationship, being assertive for the first time and embarking on a process of self-discovery that changes the way you live.

I heard someone say recently that our value as human beings, in his opinion, isn’t measured by our accomplishments but by our humanity. Showing up for people, treating others with kindness, taking time for meaningful connection and conversation. I couldn’t agree more – this is how I know that kindness, compassion and connection are some of my core values.

In identifying my own values, I found that a strategy that helps me remember how I want to show up everyday was to think about what it would be like if I was respecting these values in my daily life. Think about it: what would you be doing differently if you were really respecting this value? Then coming up with a list of questions that you ask yourself on a regular basis as a reminder of how you want to show up during the day. Tying the behaviors of this to my core values made it about much more than just one small choice that I might say no to. Asking myself the questions regularly helps me to come back to the choices I have everyday to live in line with my values, or to go against them.

We wake up everyday and make choices. How do you want to show up in your life? What would your dream look like of a life where you are living authentically? Why does it have to be just a dream? What would be the simplest step you could take towards living more authentically in line with your values?