Creating more time and space for self-care

I used to think that maintaining self-care, never letting it go, was the goal. Looking back, I was setting up myself for disappointment, again and again. Life throws us in different directions, and self-care is often the first thing we let go of in moments of stress. The real goal, the one that is more realistic for many of us, is to keep coming back to it, despite having stopped, pushed it aside, fallen into an old pattern that didn’t give it the time and space it so deserved. To create a self-care practice that is a bit easier to come back to, or to maintain when life is going well, takes some personal reflection, some creativity, letting go of certain expectations and embracing who we are.

What’s most important to you and what will get you there?

It’s worth reflecting on what self-care looks like to you. What is most important, is it that you want to have more creative time? More time for relaxation and letting your body recharge? Or maybe even some time to do activities that fulfill you, like a day out with a good friend or doing things you love for example making time for a good hike. Identify your goals and make a list of what are the things that can get you there. Self-care practices then become a way of meeting our personal goals or becoming who we want to be. Instead of seeing it as “I need to focus more on self-care” which everyone says and which can feel more like a chore, think instead of saying “I want to/I chose to be more calm and easy going”. This is the vision. “Bringing in more relaxation strategies into my life” is seen then as a way to help you get there, and “Taking some time to sit on the porch and read a good book for 15 minutes in the morning” is an example of a strategy to help someone work towards their vision and goals.

Creating time instead of trying to find it

One of the biggest reasons people struggle to find time for self-care is because of the busyness of our lives. More time isn’t hiding anywhere; it has to be created. This often means letting go of something else, or getting up earlier, or asking for more help with household chores. Building a routine or a habit of your self-care strategies is a great way to set yourself up for success. If the goal is to join a volleyball team, this provides a weekly routine and structure. If it’s instead something that depends on you, such as taking time to paint, it’s important to determine when that will happen and for how long (at a minimum) so despite other commitments, there’s some space and time carved out for it. Maybe it’s right after dinner, or it’s in the morning before even having breakfast. Only you know what would fit best into your life. BJ Fogg’s method on Tiny Habits is also something worth exploring (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdKUJxjn-R8)

Challenging your thoughts about self-care

Self-care is not self-indulgence. It is also not a luxury; it is a necessity. Taking time for the things that help us feel more grounded and more personally fulfilled has many benefits, both for us and those around us. Aside from feeling we have no time for it, the other big obstacle is the beliefs people have around self-care. Challenge those beliefs.

Letting go of certain expectations

There will be days where something holds you back from working on your goal, and that’s ok. Come back to it. You may need to let go of certain expectations or change your view. For example, while being quite productive at work may be a value that you hold on to and that is definitely worth keeping, taking a 15 minute walk during the day is worth doing for your own well-being and will in fact probably help you to be more productive. But it means having to change your expectation – maybe you will get a little bit less done, but maybe the quality of the work will be much better if you stop going so fast.

Holding ourselves back and changing long-standing habits

If you find that you are trying to talk yourself out of doing what you set out to do, take a moment to reflect on why you’re doing this. It may seem like just one small activity, but if you bring it back to the vision and goal you had for the future, it can seem such bigger and worth staying on course. Think of it not just as one small action but rather about working towards being who you want to be. We face many decisions every day and the ones that take us off-course from our vision we often try to justify with “I’ll do it tomorrow” or “This isn’t as important”. But what if that isn’t true?

Embracing who you are

What self-care means to you and what brings you joy, fulfillness and helps you recharge is completely different than it might be for someone else. Embrace what works for you and take time to discover what that is. When you find the right self-care practices, you’ll know.