Cultivating happiness

Life doesn't come with a manual. Or a set of directions towards the path that leads to happiness and a purposeful life. Where does it begin? Is it about changing some aspects of your life, or more about changing the way you look at your life (your expectations and the lens you look through)? As Buddha once said "There is no path to happiness. Happiness is the path". I think it's a bit of both.

I decided to write about cultivating happiness. Cultivation is defined as the process of trying to foster or develop something [1]. It seemed appropriate to me because although happiness may seem like something we are trying to find, when you read about the science behind happiness it is not really a destination, something far away that we hope to get to; it is right here if we change our lens. I also recognize that changing your life in some ways can also help you feel happier because sometimes a person's values may not align with their life or certain behaviors are getting in the way of being truly present. Changing your life may include things like spending more time with loved ones through better work/life balance, a career change, finding a way to give back or contribute to something that is meaningful to you, and changing the unrealistic expectations you may have for yourself and those around you.

I think every person’s life experiences is so unique and although some of the practices I’ll introduce in this article may help, they are not the solution when there are other things happening that impact your mood and biology. Mental health issues are very real, so if you have noticed a significant change in your mood or you are feeling extremely anxious or depressed, it is important to talk to your doctor, seek the support of a therapist, connect with a community of support, and look at other options for treatment which may include medication, lifestyle changes and more.

A lot has been said about happiness and many books are being written these days on the topic. According to the Harvard University Study on Adult Development, which ran over 80 years and was coined the longest study on happiness, close relationships and how satisfied people felt about their relationships was the biggest predictor of happiness more than money and fame and any other factor [2]. Marital status also impacted people’s happiness. Having positive, trusting relationships with others, including a partner, is an important factor in keeping people happy.

The Happiness Research Institute is also doing a lot of interesting research on what the factors are that influence people’s happiness levels. They talk about three categories that influence them: those we cannot control (biology), those we can control over time (policies on health, freedom to make life choices, etc.) and those we can control tomorrow (behaviors) [3]. This is a fascinating topic and there is much more to read about and understand in their research, much more than this short blog article can cover.

Some of the key things I’ve seen in the research include:

-Focusing on relationships and social connection – Various studies have shown that having positive relationships as well as belonging to a group, makes us happy [2, 4]. The key is having people accept you for who you are, people you can be truly authentic with, and who are there for you when you need them most.

-Focusing on gratitude – A lot of positive psychology research has shown that gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness [5,6]. Taking time to appreciate the positive things in life and in your day can shift your thinking and make you feel connected to something larger.

-Focusing on kindness – Some research studies found a link between kindness and happiness [7]. Giving to others makes us happier and has the benefit of potentially creating a virtuous cycle of happiness and altruism

-Focusing on mindfulness – Other research studies have found that mindfulness and meditation have a positive impact on mental health and can help improve people's lives by living more in the here and now [8]

Some simple happiness practices that might work for you include:

-Focus on your relationships: Find opportunities on a regular basis to connect with people in a meaningful way. Create new positive relationships in your life if you find that they’re missing or join a group or a club of people with whom you have something in common and who would be a supportive community

-Be in the moment: Whatever you’re doing, be fully there. Read up on mindfulness and practice something as simple as eating a favorite meal really tasting and savoring the experience. Keep practicing this where you are in the moment, coming back to the now when your mind takes you somewhere else. Your conversations, walks, commute to work, and much more will be different when you focus on what’s around you, what’s happening in that moment, and you look at it with curiosity, wonder and appreciation.

-Practice gratitude: Keep a gratitude journal and write down three things you were grateful for that day. Keep a gratitude jar and note one thing every morning that you are grateful for and put it in the jar (make sure to keep it in a place where you see it everyday). Write a letter to someone who has helped you or who you are grateful to have in your life for whatever reason and let them know why. There’s no shortage of ideas you can find online on gratitude projects.

-Create a bliss list – It’s essentially a list of all the small things that you can do that make you feel good or help you cope on a difficult day. The little things like taking a nature walk, cuddling with a pet, listening to a favorite song, and the big ones like visiting and exploring a new city or spending a day doing fun activities with your kids. Create more opportunities to bring these simple moments that make you feel good into your day.

-Shift your thinking: Challenge your thoughts when you find that you are seeing only barriers, not possibilities. When you are seeing the challenges of a situation, not the opportunities. When you are seeing only the mistakes you made, not the other positive steps or successes you had. When you are seeing only the worst case scenario, not the other perspectives you could chose to have on what will happen.

-Start your day off right: This may include a short, morning meditation or yoga practice, an inspirational affirmation or quote you say to yourself or have hanging on your mirror or at your desk. It can also mean having a peaceful morning routine – taking time to have a nourishing breakfast or having more time in the morning on your commute so you’re not stressed about getting there late

-Focus on people who are happy and give you positive energy – While people don’t often mean to put us in a bad mood, sometimes being around people who constantly are can influence us. It’s good to balance this with being around optimistic, positive people as much as possible and people who inspire us, who help us think, with whom we have great conversations on life and on our goals, who help us grow and see things differently. A friend of mine calls this “growth friends”.

-Acts of kindness: Little things like picking up someone’s tab, smiling at a stranger, or helping someone out in need also helps. Kindness brightens everyone’s day.

-Volunteer: Contributing to something that you feel is important gives you the sense that you are giving your time to what really matters. It also makes people feel connected and human, trying to help others. And that makes us happy.

What’s one thing you plan to start doing to cultivate happiness in your life?

[1] Definition of Cultivate. Accessed October 13 2017, http://www.dictionary.com/browse/cultivate

[2] "Good genes are good, but joy is better", Harvard Gazette, April 11 2017, https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life/

[3] Happiness Research Institute, Happiness, Accessed October 13 2017, Research, https://www.happinessresearchinstitute.com/happinessresearch

[4] Esfahani Smith, Emily, "The Power of Meaning: Crafting a life that matters", Crown Publishing, January 2017.

[5] UC Davis Medical Centre, "Gratitude is good medicine", November 25 2015, http://www.ucdmc.ucdavis.edu/medicalcenter/features/2015-2016/11/20151125_gratitude.html

[6] Harvard Health Publishing, "Giving thanks can make you happier", Accessed October 13 2017, https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier

[7] Greater Good Magazine At Berkeley University, "Kindness makes you happier...and happiness make you kind", September 6 2011, https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/kindness_makes_you_happy_and_happiness_makes_you_kind

[8] Spijkerman, M. P. J., Pots, W. T. M., & Bohlmeijer, E. T. (2016). Effectiveness of online mindfulness-based interventions in improving mental health: A review and meta-analysis of randomised controlled trials. Clinical psychology review, 45, p.102-114